Where Is Everybody
Today in Tabs
<div class="beehiiv"><div class="beehiiv__body"><p class="paragraph" style="text-align: left;">It’s <b>Whiskey Tony</b> with Friday Dokoupil, and where is Whiskey Tony? He’s reporting on <b>Trump</b>’s trip to Beijing live from Taiwan, which is <i>a</i> China I guess, though not really the China in question. In <i>Status</i> <b>Oliver Darcy</b> reported that the bumbling simpleton in charge of CBS News, <b>Bari Weiss</b>, <a class="link" href="https://www.status.news/p/tony-dokoupil-cbs-evening-news-taiwan-bari-weiss" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">did a visa whoopsie and forgot to get permission for Friday Tony to go to Beijing</a>. Weiss was apparently also unable to foresee how much more embarrassing it would be to report from a Taipei hotel room then just to stay in New York. </p><p class="paragraph" style="text-align: left;">Aside from that, though, the trip is going very badly. On Wednesday Dokoupil’s remote feed abruptly cut off as <a class="link" href="https://nypost.com/2026/05/14/media/cbs-evening-news-cameraman-who-collapsed-on-air-was-deployed-from-tokyo-on-short-notice-sources/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">a cameraman had a medical emergency</a> and on Thursday the broadcast illustrated a story about inflation forcing “<a class="link" href="https://www.thedailybeast.com/maga-coded-bari-weiss-cbs-hit-by-embarrassing-new-glitch/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">middle class Americans to make tough choices</a>” with <a class="link" href="https://x.com/jeremymbarr/status/2055003543468126597" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">stock footage of a Thai grocery receipt</a>. More importantly, <a class="link" href="https://www.status.news/p/tony-dokoupil-cbs-evening-news-taiwan-bari-weiss" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">as Oliver Darcy also reported</a>:</p><div class="blockquote"><blockquote class="blockquote__quote"></blockquote></div><p class="paragraph" style="text-align: left;">Last night’s live hit was so bad that <b>Stephen Colbert</b> simply <a class="link" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQpqIPBYmDM" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">ran it on </a><i><a class="link" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQpqIPBYmDM" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">The Late Show</a></i><a class="link" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQpqIPBYmDM" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank"> without further comment</a>. <i>Tabs</i> sources report that Bari Weiss, determined to avoid a repeat of this disaster, is already nailing down broadcast space in British Columbia, in case Trump travels to London or Cartagena. </p><p class="paragraph" style="text-align: left;">Where are the people who know how to make a podcast? Not at the <i>Washington Post</i> anymore, as proven by <i>Post</i> Opinion’s almost scientifically off-putting new grievance podcast “<a class="link" href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/podcasts/make-it-make-sense/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Make it Make Sense</a>,” which consistently <a class="link" href="https://www.404media.co/washington-post-make-it-make-sense-opinion-podcast/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">fails to attract any Youtube views</a> and <a class="link" href="https://bsky.app/profile/themimsshow.bsky.social" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">is struggling to crack a three digit follower count</a> on Bluesky. Let’s go back to <i>Status</i>, who had a bunch of great posts this week, <a class="link" href="https://www.status.news/p/washington-post-opinion-video-adam-oneal" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">where </a><b><a class="link" href="https://www.status.news/p/washington-post-opinion-video-adam-oneal" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Natalie Korach</a></b><a class="link" href="https://www.status.news/p/washington-post-opinion-video-adam-oneal" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank"> reported that despite recently axing virtually all of its video production staff, the newspaper installed</a>:</p><div class="blockquote"><blockquote class="blockquote__quote"></blockquote></div><p class="paragraph" style="text-align: left;"><i>Defector</i>’s <b>Tom Ley</b> named the new studio “<a class="link" href="https://defector.com/the-saddest-place-in-america-is-wherever-the-washington-post-films-this-podcast" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">The Saddest Place In America</a>,“ calling special attention to the work of “<a class="link" href="https://clickhole.com/devastating-watch-this-guy-realize-that-when-he-overhe-1825126608/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">hamburger dipshit</a>” <b>James Hohmann</b>, who once <a class="link" href="https://bsky.app/profile/greenwell.bsky.social/post/3mlonkoe33s2l" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">asked </a><b><a class="link" href="https://bsky.app/profile/greenwell.bsky.social/post/3mlonkoe33s2l" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Megan Greenwell</a></b><a class="link" href="https://bsky.app/profile/greenwell.bsky.social/post/3mlonkoe33s2l" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank"> if he could expense boat shoes</a>. The studio investment is also being put to use pumping out trash like “we have <b>Olivia Reingold</b> at home” <b>Carine Hajjar</b> explaining <a class="link" href="https://bsky.app/profile/themimsshow.bsky.social/post/3mltvbwzgk227" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">who’s responsible for California’s budget overruns</a>: </p><div class="image"><a class="image__link" href="https://bsky.app/profile/themimsshow.bsky.social/post/3mltvbwzgk227" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img alt="" class="image__image" src="https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/83e2354c-b07b-468a-9a2b-361f839f3e74/image.png?t=1778870684" /></a></div><p class="paragraph" style="text-align: left;">That’s right: it’s <i>greedy babies</i>. <a class="link" href="https://steamboatinstitute.org/person/carine-hajjar/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Hajjar was extruded from Harvard five years ago</a> and underwent a rigorous empathy removal procedure at the <i>National Review</i> before joining the <i>Post</i>’s editorial board where she helps opine on issues of urgent concern to Washington D.C. residents like <a class="link" href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2026/03/11/wealth-tax-billionaires-europe-new-york-california/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">European tax policy</a>, how <a class="link" href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2026/05/07/alexandria-ocasio-cortez-is-wrong-about-billionaires/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">handsome and important billionaires are</a>, and <a class="link" href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2026/05/06/zohran-mamdani-creepy-attack-ken-griffin-hurts-new-york-city/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">New York City tax policy</a>. Sure, <a class="link" href="https://www.todayintabs.com/p/billionaires-destroyed-american-news-media-on-purpose-7d91" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">billionaires destroyed American news media on purpose</a>, but at least now we get to watch a bunch of dumb assholes humiliate themselves every day. It’s not a trade I’d have taken willingly, but it’s what we have. </p><p class="paragraph" style="text-align: left;">Where is <i>New York Magazine</i> feature writer <b>Ross Barkan</b>, who <a class="link" href="https://bsky.app/profile/drewharwell.com/post/3mlsz3eh2ok2h" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">ganked </a><b><a class="link" href="https://bsky.app/profile/drewharwell.com/post/3mlsz3eh2ok2h" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Drew Harwell</a></b><a class="link" href="https://bsky.app/profile/drewharwell.com/post/3mlsz3eh2ok2h" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">’s reporting for the lede of a piece on </a><b><a class="link" href="https://bsky.app/profile/drewharwell.com/post/3mlsz3eh2ok2h" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Ben Shapiro</a></b> yesterday? Barkan’s story was <a class="link" href="https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/why-ben-shapiros-media-empire-is-collapsing.html" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">updated</a> to <a class="link" href="https://bsky.app/profile/drewharwell.com/post/3mlu6aiwzhs2q" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">quote Harwell instead of… not quoting him</a>, but <a class="link" href="https://bsky.app/profile/drewharwell.com/post/3mlvqfs4olc2b" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">no explanation has emerged</a> from <i>New York Magazine</i> or Barkan on how this happened to begin with. Everybody blames A.I. for every mistake now, and honestly that’s very funny so let’s blame A.I. </p><p class="paragraph" style="text-align: left;">Where is <b>Caroline Calloway</b>?</p><div class="image"><a class="image__link" href="https://x.com/herny_luzzatto/status/2054552823493210567?s=46" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img alt="" class="image__image" src="https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/3ab02f50-dbfc-4683-be61-d9329266103c/image.png?t=1778872995" /></a><div class="image__source"><span class="image__source_text"><p>Please forward any further information about Caroline Calloway’s <i>odeur</i> to <a class="link" href="mailto:tips@todayintabs.com" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">tips@todayintabs.com</a>. That’s probably a real email address.</p></span></div></div><p class="paragraph" style="text-align: left;">Where is <b>Max Read</b>’s <a class="link" href="https://www.patreon.com/cw/MaxRead" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank"><i>Read Max</i></a>? At Patreon now, <a class="link" href="https://www.patreon.com/posts/why-im-moving-to-158159711" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">he explained in a long and self-consciously “transparent” post</a> that didn’t manage to find space to reveal how much Patreon paid him to switch. Where is everyone who used to have a job in Hollywood? <a class="link" href="https://www.wired.com/story/i-work-in-hollywood-everyone-who-used-to-make-tv-now-training-ai/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Training A.I. now according to </a><b><a class="link" href="https://www.wired.com/story/i-work-in-hollywood-everyone-who-used-to-make-tv-now-training-ai/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Ruth Fowler</a></b><a class="link" href="https://www.wired.com/story/i-work-in-hollywood-everyone-who-used-to-make-tv-now-training-ai/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank"> in </a><i><a class="link" href="https://www.wired.com/story/i-work-in-hollywood-everyone-who-used-to-make-tv-now-training-ai/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Wired</a></i>. Where are the men of San Francisco? Talking to Claude, according to <b>Alessandra Ram</b> and the other “<a class="link" href="https://www.wired.com/story/meet-the-sad-wives-of-ai/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Sad Wives of A.I.</a>,” also in <i>Wired</i>. Where is New Jersey Republican Congressman <b>Tom Kean Jr.</b>? No one will say, but “<a class="link" href="https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/14/nyregion/tom-kean-congress-missing.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">there’s no cameras where Tom is</a>,” apparently. Classic <a class="link" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKfupO4ZzPs" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">puzzle box situation </a>if you ask me. Where are all the poop pictures you uploaded to the PoopCheck app? <a class="link" href="https://www.404media.co/ai-poop-analysis-app-offered-to-sell-me-access-to-its-users-poops/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">For sale to anyone who wants them, reports </a><b><a class="link" href="https://www.404media.co/ai-poop-analysis-app-offered-to-sell-me-access-to-its-users-poops/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Jason Koebler</a></b><a class="link" href="https://www.404media.co/ai-poop-analysis-app-offered-to-sell-me-access-to-its-users-poops/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank"> in </a><i><a class="link" href="https://www.404media.co/ai-poop-analysis-app-offered-to-sell-me-access-to-its-users-poops/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">404</a></i>. And where are all of us on the internet? <a class="link" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@aidanetcetera/video/7639554103340698912" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">In the cuck chair, according to </a><b><a class="link" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@aidanetcetera/video/7639554103340698912" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Aidan Walker</a></b><a class="link" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@aidanetcetera/video/7639554103340698912" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">’s Cuck Internet Theory</a>: </p><div class="image"><a class="image__link" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@aidanetcetera/video/7639554103340698912" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img alt="" class="image__image" src="https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/df7a1722-2861-4e91-9e3a-3de99da7c3c1/Screenshot_2026-05-15_at_3.53.44_PM_2.png?t=1778875112" /></a></div><p class="paragraph" style="text-align: left;">That’s where everybody is. I will be in New York next week for the ASME awards, where I will try to ascertain who else in media has a distinct odeur, but where I cannot possibly be expected to also write one (1) email so <a class="link" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JM_v7BY9F4g" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">don’t look for me baby</a>. </p><div class="section" style="background-color: transparent; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; padding: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><p class="paragraph" style="text-align: left;">If I helped you find anyone today, <a class="link" href="https://www.todayintabs.com/upgrade" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">you are legally obligated to upgrade to a paid subscription</a>. </p><div class="button" style="text-align: center;"><a class="button__link" href="https://www.todayintabs.com/upgrade" rel="noopener nofollow noreferrer" target="_blank"><span class="button__text"> Have You Seen Me? </span></a></div></div></div><div class="beehiiv__footer"><br class="beehiiv__footer__break" /><hr class="beehiiv__footer__line" /><a class="beehiiv__footer_link" href="https://www.beehiiv.com/?utm_campaign=53e73fa3-66bd-4132-94ea-5712a63c6f49&utm_medium=post_rss&utm_source=today_in_tabs" style="text-align: center;" target="_blank">Powered by beehiiv</a></div></div>